In my journalistic career I've upset millions of Tottenham fans, hardcore Kaizer Chiefs supporters and any number of rival publications. Now I run the risk of ticking off over a million more people...
I'm so bored of the vuvuzela debate. It's one of those supposedly newsworthy topics that isn't as newsworthy as it seems, especially when foreigners call for it to be banned at South Africa's World Cup. It's worth noting that the instrument will be one of the last vestiges of South African-ess at the showpiece, a tournament that very much belongs to FIFA-fo-fum and its not-so-friendly giant corporate mates.
But back to the vuvuzela. I was watching the news and saw that the Nazareth Baptist Church, better known as the Shembe, had launched litigation to prevent the vuvuzela from being used at the World Cup, claiming they first created the instrument.
Now the Shembe are an unctuous bunch who follow the moral imperatives that are the ten commandments with an, er, religious zeal. Now I haven't read the ten commandments since breaking half of them when I was a teenager, but I'm quite certain that the Shembe are pushing the limits of at least one of them (thou shalt not covet your neighbour or something) by launching legal action, even though the church would be correct to point out that 'thou shalt not seek self enrichment on dubious grounds' is not one of the original Biblical commandments.
However, the church's threat smacks of an opportunistic rapacity that doesn't seem to be consistent with the virtues associated with the religion in question.
Nonetheless, Shembe spokesman Enoch Mthembu told the Beeb that they intend on pursuing the matter in the courts.
Of course, if the church happened to be successful, many an Englishmen would be delighted because they have voiced nothing but contempt for the buzzing sound created by the vuvuzela but, to me, that represents at least one good reason to retain the instrument.
Moreover, the Shembe aren't alone in claiming to have invented the vuvuzela.
Saddam Maake, the former number one Kaizer Chiefs fan, claims to be the father of the trumpet, saying he created the first one in 1965.
While the origins of the vuvuzela remain a contentious issue, both the Shembe Church and Maake, who was relieved of his duties as official Amakhosi ambassador in 2009 for 'failing to stick to the rules', claim to be the rightful owners of the design.
Masincedane Sport now mass produces plastic vuvuzelas and in an interview with the Mail & Guardian, Maake says that the Cape-based company are "making a killing" and alleges he receives nothing but nominal fees from them despite supposedly patenting the first rudimentary vuvuzela many years ago.
Interestingly, Masincedane themselves claim that cheap Asian imports are threatening their bottom line.
I own two vuvuzelas and having blasted air through them on numerous occasions, think it is quite odd that these plastic moulds have caused such a hullabaloo (not only here, but on a global scale).
But like the noise of the vuvuzela in stadiums across South Africa, I suspect we haven't heard the last of sagas such as these.
In the meantime, the Shembe will press forward with their legal action.
Mthembu said: "We are very serious about this. Before the World Cup we are going to instruct our lawyers to stop them playing the vuvuzela at the World Cup."
He added: "When people are playing football and hearing the vuvuzela, they are getting the power of our Holy Spirit."
And anyone who has watched the South African national team recently knows that they need all the assistance they can get. Indeed, the 'Holy Spirit' itself might not be enough, even with Carlos 'The Messiah' Parreira in the Bafana Bafana hotseat.
richard.ferraris@teamtalkmedia.co.za
Your Comments
dereksmethurst
"I am not sure about you breaking half the 10 commandments but to my knowledge if you are like the rest of humanity and have broken one you are guilty of all. Secondly let the law deal with who invented that noisy, I cannot hear the the commentary thing (although I must admit some of them are absolutely clueless). As for the Holy Spirit being an 'it,' a little education is needed - He is God! Personal pronoun although who cares right? Only those who pre-judge others and expect to escape judgment themselves. Back to those noisy little buggers - outside of Africa they are a real nuisance. By the way you left out someone - Al Gore didn't you know he invented the internet - a self pronounced declaration of his - we don't judge him for that though. We laugh and feel sorry for him although he has gotten his own back by conning the world it is heating up. Security problem the vuvuzelas. But it is Africa. "
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